Hypochondriac
by Kiana Granados
It’s dry and static in my mouth, the cottony saliva I let sail on the coast of my tongue while I sit here and fill out my name; it’s rather long, even longer than it looked yesterday, but that could be the illusion of walking into white bleach matter and not being able to comprehend why you’re hurting.
There are sounds rivaling each other on the opposite end of where I sit,
and I smell my own breath through sheer white paper
and despite having brushed my teeth there is something rotten in the air. It could be anxiety and
the snares of people who have a reason to be here,
But instead I am here sitting on their dull black seats with no support on the back so I am actually slouching, like a stupid girl with insurance.
While I wait for my rather long name to be called from a woman in scrubs
who kisses cigarettes on her break I suddenly feel like I am on trial
because everyone will know who I am when the scratchy voice pesters me, poking at the back of my neck with a stick that only I can see, and that single moment will be the sickest part of me.
But will it be enough to justify this abrupt visit, or to convince them,
because I know I shouldn’t be here and it doesn’t take a doctor to diagnose the bullshit on my face and by the way once my name is called I do not stand up
because I am not the true patient waiting to be seen;
that version of myself who is dying elsewhere.
But I finally do stand up because the jury is waiting
and the kind nurse doesn’t tell me to sit down when we reach the room,
but rather to ‘wait there please’ because I will be walking out soon,
maybe even running, when I remember
that I am doing just fine.
Kiana Granados
8/1/21
I’d like to introduce myself as a nineteen-year-old coffee enthusiast who has dreamt of escaping the West Coast to venture New York. I have been writing since someone told me I could; thus, even as a poet, I will forever abide by a little confidence and determination. I currently attend UCSB as a double major in English and Black Studies, and hope to attend NYU as a grad student in creative writing.
